Blog o’ Gnosis

Determined to start out this year on a lighter note than last year, I have decided to implement a new feature here at Blog o’ Gnosis. It’s my version of New Year’s Resolutions, which I mostly think are a bad idea but occasionally make anyway.

For instance, on New Year’s morning it came to me that I should swear less, as a magical act to take better care with the words that come out of my mouth. By lunch time, though, I had abandoned the whole idea. It would be too much of a set-up for disappointment, as most virtuous decisions are, when the moment of inspiration wears off and there you are, stuck on the road behind a really bad driver again. If you’re going to swear anyway, why add insult to injury by cursing yourself for it?

Besides that, using fewer cuss words doesn’t seem like very much fun. And after this weekend, when a bunch of us braved the California storms and spent a day packing up our dead friend’s house while it snowed and with no electricity, the only New Year’s Resolution I think suitable for 2008 is to have more fun, of all sorts.

This new feature is not like most New Year’s Resolutions because these are not about how to act during the day, they’re about what to do in dreams. Doing the right thing in dreams is much different than doing the right thing in waking life. It is hard to know whether a monster in a dream is an evil demon that needs to be vanquished or a gift in disguise that only needs witnessing in order to completely transform. Sometimes of course it is both, in which case you may want to consult a professional. Fortunately, I am a professional.

These tips are culled from my actual dreams, and I am sharing them so that more people can have more fun while dreaming, if not while awake. I’m not including any dream theory in with the examples because it’s funnier that way, but if you have any serious questions about the dreams just post a comment and I’ll do my best to answer in kind. I would also be interested in hearing your dream resolutions.

And now, the 2008 Top 10 New Year’s Resolutions for Dreamers

1. When Christopher Walken asks you out for a romantic weekend in Reno, definitely say yes.

2. If the lady at the toll booth gives you a million dollars change for your $2 toll, thank her, take the money, and cross the bridge.

3. When a recently deceased loved one smiles at you in a dream, take it as a gift and don’t read too much into it.

4. Do more research on that British study on cheese and dreams. I can report that Cambozola produces a pleasant effect somewhere between Stilton and Brie, but there are so many more to try!

5. If you find yourself doing wild aikido moves with friends on a tall roof without getting hurt, you’re probably doing something right in waking life. You might also want to try a different kind of cheese before bed.

6. While on a secret mission at Davies Hall you may have to jump off the balcony to avoid detection, but if you don’t panic you will land fine.

7. Making tactful suggestions to pregnant women is as difficult in dreams as it is in waking life.

8. Greedy politicians will do anything for votes, even if it includes trying to suggest things to pregnant women. You can use this to your advantage.

9. Shopping for pianos at a used piano lot is really not a good idea; they don’t cover them up when it rains.

10. When chasing little kids around trying to get their shoes on, first remember that they’re not your kids. Then give the shoes to their parents and go make yourself a hot toddy. Mission accomplished.

This entry was posted on Sunday, January 6th, 2008 at 5:35 pm and is filed under Dreams. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.