Problem Child
Yesterday I went to collect my mail at the post office, and one envelope stood out from the stack. It was a plain business envelope with a slight bluish tint to the paper and clear cellophane windows. On it was written in bold letters:
I looked at that for a while, and found myself unable to toss it into the recycling can. It was obviously a mass mailer having to do with magazine subscriptions, but it seemed too perfect an entreaty to throw away. I stuck the envelope in with the mail I would take home with me and went back to my car.
I have no idea what to do about Deborah Oak Cooper. I have known her for nearly twenty years now, and count her as one of my closest friends. She is irascible, funny as all hell, has a nose for trouble and a gift for magic. I mean, anyone who answers her phone by saying, “What fresh hell is this?” is someone worth knowing.
Deborah has gotten into her share of scrapes over the years. She’s had run-ins with lots of people, has stood up for righteous causes, made lots of mistakes, and always made an effort to publicly admit both her screw-ups and those of others. This has won her enmity in some circles, but also lots of admiration. Plenty of people over the years have thrown up their hands and sung some version of the chorus to “How do you solve a problem like Maria?” when talking about Oak and her latest escapades. With this mass mailer, was it possible that the Universe was now getting into the act?
Or was it just Vanity Fair, who in their rating of the King Mixers of the country have finally (and accurately) decided that Deborah Cooper is a force to be reckoned with? It was, after all, Deborah who first introduced me to Vanity Fair as we were travelling on a plane to some witchcamp one year. She declared it the perfect airplane reading fare, so I gave it a try and found that I had to agree. Then when my marriage started coming apart and life became very stressful, I decided that perhaps VF wasn’t just for airplanes anymore. I bought myself a subscription (so cheap! thank heavens for all that advertising!) and proceeded to shock people with the fact that I actually read the magazine.
Last year they offered me a free gift subscription for one of my friends if I would only re-subscribe, so it was a no-brainer to send a magazine surprise over to Deborah who started it all. Now they were coming back to me as though together we had caused a problem of national import. Were they regretting last year’s offer? Had they received letters to the effect that Deborah Cooper was a potential liability? Were they offering her (or me) a column in their magazine?
I have not opened the envelope to find out; I prefer it to stay as a koan. I think it deserves to be framed and laughed at for years to come by those of us who love Deborah and couldn’t imagine trundling through this life without her as a friend. She will egg you on, stands by your side, and give mostly good advice, all the while being as honest about her own foibles as it is possible to be. She is a stand-up witch and enormously fun company. I have no idea what to do about that, but this does seem like the right time to set the record straight.
October 28th, 2006 at 12:18 pm
One day I would be glad to meet you both.
Thanks for this character sketch.
October 28th, 2006 at 3:30 pm
i have been asking the goddess that very same question….
anne, that is hysterical…….
October 28th, 2006 at 8:28 pm
I figured that Bay Area figured out exactly what to do about Oak:
Exile her to SpiralHeart, where this year’s camp intent may refer to a teachin.. er, uh, *facilitation* team member or a 500-year-old woody plant on the camp property: it’s a mystery, ’tis. ::evil cackle::
“With reverence for the ancient oak,
With love for the land and for each other,
We joyfully dance into our power
And courageously celebrate our magnificence,
Accepting responsibility for creating our world.”
October 29th, 2006 at 10:56 am
Anne, as elvis would say, “thank you, thank you very much!”
By the time I was done reading this blog I was both laughing and crying, one of my absolute favorite states of being. One of the best things about this damn aging is having friends who’ve known me for so long. Grateful for our friendship and still laughing…
love, deborah oak cooper
October 30th, 2006 at 6:51 am
What a beautiful portrait, accurate, too. I love Vanity Fair, too, though I’ve never had the nerve to subscribe. Now I think I have to!
November 16th, 2006 at 11:07 am
Anne,
I want to say that I love your Blog. I don’t always know the references you are speaking about (People) but I have always loved your writing,and love seeing your posts.
Thank you.
Blackthorne