More than One Way to Peel a Pole
Okay, so I’m out in the yard on Saturday getting it ready for May Day. The biggest task remaining is preparing the tree that will be the maypole. It is already cut down, which is good, and the branches are all cut off, very good. But it’s got this thick bark on it, and lots of short little nubby former-branch parts, that have to be somehow smoothed down in a week’s time. Distressingly, no one has shown up to offer to do this work for me. No strapping fisherman from down the street, no neighborly construction guy who just happens to have a draw knife in his back pocket. Not even a nearby lesbian phone company repair-type who’s not afraid to use a chainsaw.
Nope, there was only me and Vince, who is pretty pathetic when it comes to this kind of stuff. All he cares about is whether I go out of his sight for too long. I was getting a little sick of that kind of attention. So I went out and bought a draw knife, borrowed a chisel, found a hammer and a pry bar, and then stood over that pole for a good long time. It was a classic surreal moment of my new life. Now I will figure out how to peel the bark off a freshly cut tree. How did I get here??
A friend helpfully said, “you’re looking at about 4-5 hours work,” and declined to offer assistance. Lyra kindly suggested that I not get too stressed out, because otherwise I might not have much fun. I’d already washed the windows, weed whacked the entire place, re-graveled the whole driveway and cleaned out all the cobwebs from indoors. I had run out of excuses. So feeling like an absolute fool I sat down on my new maypole and began peeling the bark off it.
It did take several hours, and I had to stop a few times to rest my aching back. Using the draw knife from the top down was kind of like peeling a huge carrot, only with an adjustable blade. The bark was too thick down on the trunk to use the skinny little knife I bought, so I used the pry bar to peel it back a ways, then just tugged it with my hands for as far as it would go before breaking off. I must say, the first time I peeled a strip from one end clean to the other, it was quite a thrill.
The only thing that kept me going through the process was laughing at all the double entendres such an activity affords. Now that it’s done, aside from a little knot-trimming work and final smoothing down, I thought I’d open up the phone lines and see what kind of jokes you all can make of the situation — no holds barred! The winner gets a delicious margarita made by me, and also gets a chance to sit on my front porch and admire the sturdy pole in my front yard. Oh, and if anyone can actually make it into a limerick, double margarita!
April 25th, 2006 at 5:24 am
Best I can come up with at work with the phones ringing, people chatting etc., clients needing help!
There was a young woman in Sepastopol
That needed to strip bark for a may pole
She worked hard she knew her role
was she barking up the wrong pole?
April 29th, 2006 at 2:33 am
One Beltane a witch had a goal
To strip all the bark of a pole
She sighed and she pried
And peeled off the side
And stuck the pole in a hole on the knoll!
or
May goddesses think that it’s quaint
To dance round a hard and smooth point
And so for a lark,
Anne peeled the tree bark
Sweaty work mixed with fun and delight.
April 30th, 2006 at 9:50 pm
Well, Ann and Jonathan, looks like you both have tied. Drinks at my place, you guys just organize the time. And thanks for playing!
May 1st, 2006 at 12:53 am
Looking forward! I’ll get to California around June 5th or 6th.
Jonathan
May 2nd, 2006 at 3:16 pm
What a grand story! Sorry to be traveling so much and missing out on your festivities.